inroduction:I am a girl. who fell once. He tells me im beautiful but i dont understand if im so beautiful why cant i have to one i truly love. and thats why i've never dated. all troughout my life. i was waiting for you who never showed up.
i always want to write about my life but thought it was too boring to put on paper but here i am writing it as tears stream down my face thinking about the past that is now unreachable and written in stone. the past that held the truth to how i am now. i want to return to the past but at the same time burn those memories of everything that happened. the smiles and the bleeding wounds.
my past beginning in grade 3. i had just moved to the west island and i loved it. everything was going to be great. A new school, new people and perhaps new friends. but things don't always turn out that way. not at all.
i turned into a social outcast a nobody that people just walk through and over. i hated the world and all the people in it. people bullied me and nobody cared. people told me to tell the teacher and i did but the teachers only gave me words of reassurance that i soon found out were all lies to cover up their uncaring attitude. and i then realized at the age of 7 no one cares.
i had to defend myself or find someone who could protect me.
later i saw a boy named Seth and his elder cousin Kaleb. Seth was the boss of all the boys. he fought, got into trouble and hurt others who got in his way. i liked him. how strong he was to stick up to this white-afied community. i soon tried to make situations where i could meet and talk with him. and we started talking and i finally had a friend. my very first friend. i was so happy. everyone else left me alone after i met him including the bullies. life didn't nw suck to me anymore. on the contrary. i loved it. and i started to really love Seth for the world he brought me into.
the world i’ve never known and have been stuck inside until now.
years went by and we were the best of friends getting older together. i was now turning 12. time flew by me just like i always hear people say. and yet i only started liking him more and more. but i never had the courage to tell him. so i didn't and i waited until he might come to me. i waited until one day my mom said we were leaving. moving away. from him. i wasn't sad about it but there was going to only be one person i would miss.
i moved away and found myself in roslyn. Starting over again from the cold beginning. not having friends, rumors, and bad memories until i met tsuki. we became best friends. i was happy but in my mind i've never forgotten fahyim. i never will. i hit high school. teenage years. where i met Rose and Diamond my other close friends at the time. but dina was my wind lady. nothing would get in the way of our fun... besides life. life hit us hard. we started to fight and after we got back together i found out she was moving away along with Diamond. i thought i was losing my best friend but she said we’ll still talk and i could visit her but little did i know that by the time i got to the point i am now we would never talk again. i remember i that year i got a library card so i could use facebook. because i learned Seth had facebook. we talked and laughed but then i found out he had a girlfriend. i was heartbroken. i stopped talking to him until the next year.we talked normally again. and i was happy because after losing Tsuki i didn't want to lose him either. at the end of that year and the beginning of the next he called me on the phone. i was so happy. he sounded so much older than he did when we were kids. he no longer sounded like the boy i knew. or talked like him. he asked me lots of questions. and it finally came out. i said i liked him. Big mistake. Never tell a boy you love him first.
he seemed happy and led me to believe we were something. in my mind i knew this but i made myself to believe he was the same boy i knew from before. the one who saved me from that hell, the bullying, the aloneness, and the only i loved. i trusted him enough to think he wouldn't break my heart because even if he didn't like me we would still be friends. i can't happen like that.
i don't know that while we were seperated for those short 3 years that he would change into a completely different person that i didn't love at all. he played me for a fool and i finally stopped talking to him. it hurt like hell but Rose told me it was for the best. i couldn't stand the pain in my heart that didn't let me move on. it was like everyone that i tried to fall for didn't look as perfect and beautiful as he did. i was beside myself. until i went the summer of 2013 i went to toronto where i met up with my sister’s ex boyfriend. Seth’s cousin. all three of us hung out. me my sister and her ex boyfriend. i was having fun forgetting the past as it washed past me like a river. until kaleb brought up Seth. he said how fahiym was raving about how i liked him and that i wanted to do dirty stuff with him. as well that he could get any girl to lie down for him. Kaleb said he changed and got into real bad fights involving hospitals. i got angry and wanted to cry. i was hurt. and i should have listened to my conscience. i was talking to a stranger this whole time. a stranger that held the same name of the boy i loved. who hid in his shell and played with my mind. it was like the boy i loved back then was dead. like it never happened. but it did happen.
i went home and felt sick the next day. tried to cry but couldn't. it was like i had forgotten how to cry all together. i deleted him off my facebook and sworn never to talk to him again i didn't feel sad but more angry that i feel for the trick cuz i knew better.
i went back to quebec. it felt new. i went to school the following day. and life now seemed like a bore. until i met this boy. his name was Kon. i thought he was just one of those perverts who liked me but surprising he was different. he was a gentleman. a breath of fresh air. i was finally laughing with a boy again who was there to screw with me.
he was nice, a bit on the nerdy side but that’s what makes him cute. he was also halarious in is own way and cared for me.
things were good until i saw Seth waiting in the metro. not for me. i wanted to walk by him. but my feet wouldn't let me. he didn't notice me like i noticed him. i tapped him and he smiled and gave me a hug. he asked me how i was doing. i said fine. he asked how come he hasn't seen me on facebook. i said i don't know. he asked me when he could see me again and i said i don't know. after that he said i should get home and left.
i didn't even flinch. i knew it all along. he was not the same person i loved before. he was now the boy who got kicked out of high school then went to a options school. got kicked out of his mother’s house, kicked out of his grandparents house and right into a foster home, and that was when i kicked him out of my life.
people change in between 3 years. i know that i just didn't think into a complete different person altogether. i was angry and felt like crying again. i felt dead but still breathing and walking. everything was different. i didn't like it. thats why i wish i could live in the past. so i could erase all the happy and bad things at once. and i can't help wonder would he have turned out the way he did if we were still together?should i have confessed as kids?Would it have been better if i’ve never met him. my mom says i should be friends with him but i truly don't think i can bring myself to that level. i didn't even know could people hurted friends like this. Or maybe i wasn't a friend in the first place. maybe i was just a girl that he will surely meet another. but to me he was a boy who i loved then disappeared and i will meet another.
*a/n
>this was a true story
>all names were changed in this short.
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