Empty book

I hurry through the empty pages
Looking at the many faces
What have I done with my life.
I feel as though it's been reaped by a scythe

My heart reaps what it has sow
If only I could've known
The pages would be thrown far below
What I reap is what I'll sow

Many years I've never known
What the pages could have hold
I left it there without a word
Never will this ever be heard
Because inside I know is all absurd

 what I reap Is what i'll sow
And all those pages will never be shown.

I have reaped what I had sowed...

Burning all the faces and the past that I've known.

Love is a beautiful thing that can change a person for the better or worse. Your first love will always be one to remember even if you don't want to...

My first experience with love was miserable and pitiful. I just hated how childish and stupid I was.

I fell for a player who pretty much played with my mind. I did stupid thing and yet I'm drawn to him. like a moth to flame.

Burn....

I'm always told I'm beautiful but I cant see why. I cant even capture his heart so what good is my looks? He would never look my way seriously or show me he needs me. not the way I need him...

He told me once that he loved me, he wanted to marry me and be together but now to me his words seem cold and 1 dimensional. I lost him.

Nobody wants me...

Then I danced to his fiddle, His flame not even a care in the world that I would be burnt. But would he do the same?

I felt alone...

What do I do when in his absence another tune starts to play around me everyday. Desperate to get my attention. trying to save me from 'Him'. But I don't even so much as lift a finger. I just stand there waiting for 'His' tune to play again. so I can dance once again and again...

I'll never learn until my legs break.unable to dance anymore. that same plays trying to get me to weaver. I don't. I keep dancing to 'His' tune until it stops completely and my body stops its dance.

I'm such an idiot...

'His' tune stops for seconds, minutes, hours then years. My body stuck unable to move an inch. I'm stuck in a sorry state with my ears perked and body trembling.

A new tune plays long and softly. I hear it and am reluctant to move but I do and I feel so light.

I stop dancing in realisation as I hear 'His' tune play in my head. but its not the same and I try to repeat the dance to it but cry out in frustration.

The same new tune plays again passionately. I slowly to dance along broken hearted.

'His' tune plays softly but I think its in my head until it gets louder and I quickly try to dance to it's beat with love but the song becomes colder to me as I go.

I start to see another girl dancing to the same rhythm as me but gracefully.

I copy along getting the notes and rhythm wrong. I start to break down. i tried my best.

I see him appear and take her hand in his then kissed it and began to dance with her. The he kept going switching to another and another girl. One after another.

Stupidity...

He finally lets go of the last girl and comes towards me.

He reached out his hand for mine. I cry as i reached out for his but he smiles and disappears from my very eyes again.

Leaving me to dance to his lost tune..

Unwanted....

 Contradictions:

There is nothing more that i hate than hypocrites (such as a certain person). He's always saying " Don't stray from the 'right' path and to always listen to his guidance. but i find it harder and harder to obey because he himself has stayed form the 'right' path and went 'left' (hypothetically). Why should i listen to someone who went all 'left' before i was even born? it makes no sense. He says all you need in life are he basics such as being polite, respectful, hard working, intelligent, etc...
he says if you see a good person applying to you with no education and is willing to learn and there is a person who likes to trick people but has all the education needed and more. he said a boss would pick the first person because they wouldn't betray him like the second. hes right but in the real world the person with the best education requirements always win. i not saying it's impossible but slim. i want to say something but i cant. he never lets me. or i don't let myself. all that comes out is "yeah you're right...". maybe me myself am a hypocrite.

Before Weak:

All the babies that i came across in my life have always brought joy to those who bore them and around them. but why does when baby appear who isn't born yet bring me so much sadness and pain? I shouldn't care. well... at least i thought i didn't but when it all comes down to me plainly. I'm really weak and ill minded.
weak because i have no voice, no thoughts, no appearance, no words, no confidence, pride or ant strong points. I'm just weak. Is it normal to be this way?

PrObLeMs

Sometimes....I catch myself pondering about life's mysteries for hours on end. Like as if i was obsessed with these small issues that made their way into my head to seem larger than they are. I ponder them as if I cant except them. So i have to think about it over and over until I'm able to process it (i guess.). Or maybe I think that if i think about it so much the issue will just evaporate like boiled water on it's own, but knowing life (:O )  how totally predictable (*sarcasm) that is close to impossible.