mixed thoughts on paper

The first time I met you
I remember your voice
I remember your name
Because I wrote it over and over until I got it straight
You talked to me
I ignored you
But in those moments my heart really flew

Years went by
We got older
You never noticed the feelings
I shouldered

The more I knew you the more I loved
The less time I had to shake it off and run

Unnoticed feelings
Unbelievingly
Then I was leaving

All those years
Then I left your side
I still remember
You never cried
You didn't care
Not even a bit
Not even when I cried for it

I was gone
Separated
It's gods way of telling me we werent fated

Now I sit here and sigh
About the guy
Who never cried
When I left from his side

A piece of soul was taken from me
Where it went
Is a mystery

And even though I wanted it bad
It would have been so much better if I never had.

 Contradictions:

There is nothing more that i hate than hypocrites (such as a certain person). He's always saying " Don't stray from the 'right' path and to always listen to his guidance. but i find it harder and harder to obey because he himself has stayed form the 'right' path and went 'left' (hypothetically). Why should i listen to someone who went all 'left' before i was even born? it makes no sense. He says all you need in life are he basics such as being polite, respectful, hard working, intelligent, etc...
he says if you see a good person applying to you with no education and is willing to learn and there is a person who likes to trick people but has all the education needed and more. he said a boss would pick the first person because they wouldn't betray him like the second. hes right but in the real world the person with the best education requirements always win. i not saying it's impossible but slim. i want to say something but i cant. he never lets me. or i don't let myself. all that comes out is "yeah you're right...". maybe me myself am a hypocrite.

Before Weak:

All the babies that i came across in my life have always brought joy to those who bore them and around them. but why does when baby appear who isn't born yet bring me so much sadness and pain? I shouldn't care. well... at least i thought i didn't but when it all comes down to me plainly. I'm really weak and ill minded.
weak because i have no voice, no thoughts, no appearance, no words, no confidence, pride or ant strong points. I'm just weak. Is it normal to be this way?